light verse and much, much worse
Noisy nests and early dawns
Hedgehogs digging up the lawns.
Whirring hives drip zooming bees
Syrup tapped from maple trees.
Newborns heading out to graze
Bike seats needing to be raised.
Buds appearing on a vine
Washing hanging on the line.
Little League and sowing hay
Storing skis and skates away.
Walking with a bit of swing
Raise the sash because it’s spring!
I sent myself an email
It ended up in Junk.
At last, some honest feedback
On all the bunk I’ve thunk.
I gave my heart to you, my love
One February night
Invoking all the saints above
I prayed you’d hold it tight.
And after we had made romance
For, that’s what I still call it,
You gave me such a loving glance
Then made off with my wallet.
The next day you were seen at lunch
With someone we both know.
Now, looking back, I have a hunch
My best friend’s your new beau.
According to my Visa bill
You both then saw a play
A great night out is greater still
If one needs never pay.
Faced with costly overruns
From two hearts hewn from stone,
On my part, not to be outdone
I hacked into your phone.
And so, my love, for us it ends
As does your victory lap
For, you’ve just messaged all your friends
To say you’ve got the clap.
My love, you’re a Tahitian girl
That dances on the sand
Who charms the breeze with every twirl
And gesture of her hand.
My love, you’re absinthe through the veins
Each time my lips are kissed
A cruel elixir bringing pain
Which no man can resist.
My love, to me you are a song
Whose chorus fills the air
Inviting men to sing along
Allaying their despair.
My love, your powdered skin’s as soft
As petals on a rose
Its luring scent designed to waft
With each layer you expose.
Alas! Another’s at your door
I thank you for your art.
In truth, our love’s a game, no more
And you have played your part.
Of Cleopatra it was said
Her loves were so prolific,
Recording all their antics led
To six new hieroglyphics.
My love is like a red red rose…
One Scottish bard chose to propose.
My ex was like a Yucca plant
And on the yeuch, I’m adamant.
My sweet, when we say love is blind
It’s simply Nature being kind
For, were our flaws known in advance
You wouldn’t get a second glance
I bade my love compose an ode
To prove her heart was true,
Reciting To Him All Is Owed
She blushed the whole way through.
I bade my love prepare a feast
Befitting of her Lord,
She cooked for me the finest beast
Her dowry would afford.
I bade my love take out a boat
And clear the moat of trolls,
She took my dagger to their throats
Then fixed their heads on poles.
I bade my love tend to my aches
With liniments and oils,
She rid my skin of every flake
And lanced a string of boils.
Then comes a time when passions end
When leaves droop with the frost,
I bade my love invite her friend
That’s when she said… Get lost!
My valentine suggested wine;
I bought the best champagne.
Then after making love we dined
On Chocolate Frangipane.
Why don’t we do this every night?
She cooed after our frolics.
So, now we do and that is why
We’re toothless alcoholics.
February, you’re sublime
Romantic, cool and flirty
Who will admit to twenty-nine
But draws the line at thirty
Mr Ormsby At Large 