River Bottom

The word for hippopotamus Ain't half big as its bottom is

Star Spangled Boner

A lot of people ask me the difference between Canadians and Americans. Well, first the facts: our country's larger, our population's smaller, Canadian men liked wearing clogs in the '70s and we've never considered testing the viscosity of spray cheese in space a worthwhile scientific endeavour. I noticed while working abroad that colleagues soon began … Continue reading Star Spangled Boner →

Stalk Options

“My stalker’s released more nude photos of me.” “How’s your hair in them?” “Fabulous. I'd just had it done.” “Let's have a look.” Laverne slid her phone across the table. “You owe him one,” I agreed, swiping through a considerable collection of images. “Maybe you should get him something.” “Like what?” “Halloween's coming up.” “What … Continue reading Stalk Options →

Drop Zone

The pigeon likes to leave its mark No matter where we choose to park And so, I'm pleading with the pigeon Could you maybe move a smidgen?

Sphere Anxiety

Those folks who claim the Earth is flat Aren't certain where the edge is at Perhaps a flat brain can’t absorb As much as one shaped like an orb

SWAT Team

The buzz of a mosquito can Torment the mind of any man And those who mock this state of dread Have never heard one whilst in bed

Hide and Seek

My sweet, when we say love is blind It's simply Nature being kind For were our flaws known in advance You wouldn't get a second glance

Total Recoil

It’s claimed that goldfish draw a blank Each time they meet inside a tank Indecorous, though most don't sweat it Then agree to just forget it

Spiky Profiles

Porcupines, when making love Must meet at the right juncture For any variation of Results in acupuncture

The Abomination

Father Marc assumed his usual seat in the front pew of St Jude Church and unfastened his collar. Each evening after mass the old Jesuit liked to collect his thoughts for several minutes before extinguishing the candles and clearing the altar. His church had a cheery interior by day but sunset draped a grey cowl … Continue reading The Abomination →