The word for hippopotamus Ain't half big as its bottom is
Said Narcissus' missus: No kiss is as his is...
Take me to that fabled time When destiny was more sublime When noble quests were blessed by God Himself Where crones intoned prophetic rhymes And wizards read the stars for signs While deep within each hollow hid an elf. Take me to a time before When magic could unlock a door And conjurers cried out … Continue reading Knight Shift
My thoughts on politics, if any? To spare three lines would be too many
I have a friend, Mr Dearden Statistics say he’s one in ten Who lives at Number 2-2-3 Look for the house that has a tree. His job is fixing old machines Throughout the night, by any means Days off, he reconditions cars And meets his mates in select bars. Devoted uncle, brother, son He always … Continue reading Decimulled
On her rounds every night She’s a curious sight With her trolley and crushed velvet hat As she shuffles in shoes Lined with yesterday’s news Through the town like a wayfaring cat Where are you from, Crazy Annie? What have you done, Crazy Annie? Now and then she will stop To peer into a shop … Continue reading Stone Pillow
“My stalker’s released more nude photos of me.” “How’s your hair in them?” “Fabulous. I'd just had it done.” “Let's have a look.” Laverne slid her phone across the table. “You owe him one,” I agreed, swiping through a considerable collection of images. “Maybe you should get him something.” “Like what?” “Halloween's coming up.” “What … Continue reading Stalk Options
It's taken a lifetime to get here but it's been worth it. I've just published my first book of poems. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them. I'm currently setting up Maple Syrup Publishing to remain autonomous, but for now you can find It Started When You Farted: Witty … Continue reading It Started When You Farted
The pigeon likes to leave its mark No matter where we choose to park And so, I'm pleading with the pigeon Could you maybe move a smidgen?
I bade my love compose an ode To prove her heart was true Reciting To Him All Is Owed She blushed the whole way through. I bade my love prepare a feast Befitting of her lord She cooked for me the finest beast Her dowry would afford. I bade my love take out a boat … Continue reading Over, Lord