The Harry & Meghan Show’s returned!
The past, forgiven, lessons learned
Assured the monarch, over tea and crumpets.
The British public, unimpressed,
Needs history to be addressed
And until then, this royal pair can lump it.
Driving Us Spare
Tag: humor
Down To Earth
If gravity went up, not down
A lot more folk would smile, not frown.
A pleasant proposition, none too edgy.
And yet, its downfall is the chance
Our ever-rising underpants
Would lead to one collective, worldwide wedgie.
The Good Lord Giveth
“When God was handing out brains, you thought he said trains and yours still hasn’t arrived.”
“Oh yeah? Well, when God was handing out heads, you thought he said beds, so you asked for a big, soft one.”
“Oh yeah? Well, when God was handing out noses, you thought he said roses, so you asked for a big, red one.”
“Well, when God was handing out chins, you thought he said gins, so you asked for a double.”
“Yeah? Well, when God was handing out legs, you thought he said kegs and asked for two fat ones.”
“Okay then. When God was handing out ears, you thought he said spears and asked for big, pointy ones.”
“When God was handing out eyes, you thought he said ties and asked for two crossed ones.”
“Oh, yeah? When God was handing out foreheads, you thought he said warheads and asked for the biggest they make.”
“When God was handing out teeth, you thought he said wreaths and asked for a load of green ones.”
“When God was handing out faces, you thought he said laces and asked for one you could tie in knots.”
“Well, when God was handing out shoulders, you thought he said boulders and asked for two round ones.”
“When God was handing out wives, you thought he said knives and asked for one that wasn’t too sharp.”
“When God was handing out kids, you thought he said lids and now people keep grabbing them by the ears trying to open them.”
“Shut up.”
“You shut up.”
Book Case
“Have you read any good books lately?”
“I don’t read.”
“What do you mean: you don’t read?“
“I mean just that.”
“Then how do you learn anything?”
“Audio books; they’re books you don’t have to read.”
“That speaks volumes.”
“You can adjust the volume.”
“Uh huh…”
One Giant Leak For Mankind
The toilet aboard Artemis
Now circling Earth and hard to miss
Quite soon began to overflow
And now, no one can boldly go.
Houston, wee have a problem…
A Question of Sport
“Can I ask you a question?”
“You just did.”
“What?”
“Now you’ve asked me two.”
“What?”
“And now three.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about what you’re talking about, which is questions, and that’s four of them now.”
“Shut up.”
“You shut up.”
Discontented Creator
I sent myself an email
It ended up in Junk.
At last, some honest feedback
On all the bunk I’ve thunk.
St Valentine’s Day Mascara
I gave my heart to you, my love
One February night
Invoking all the saints above
I prayed you’d hold it tight.
And after we had made romance
For, that’s what I still call it,
You gave me such a loving glance
Then made off with my wallet.
The next day you were seen at lunch
With someone we both know.
Now, looking back, I have a hunch
My best friend’s your new beau.
According to my Visa bill
You both then saw a play
A great night out is greater still
If one needs never pay.
Due to such costly overruns
From two hearts hewn from stone,
On my part, not to be outdone
I hacked into your phone.
And so, my love, for us it ends
As does your victory lap
For, you’ve just texted all your friends
To say you’ve got the clap.
Pyramid Schemer
Of Cleopatra it was said
Her loves were so prolific,
Recording all their antics led
To six new hieroglyphics.
Prickly Heat
My love is like a red, red rose…
One Scottish bard chose to propose.
My ex was like a Yucca plant
And on the yeuch, I’m adamant.
Mr Ormsby At Large 