Stalk Options

“My stalker’s released more nude photos of me.” “How’s your hair in them?” “Fabulous. I'd just had it done.” “Let's have a look.” Laverne slid her phone across the table. “You owe him one,” I agreed, swiping through a considerable collection of images. “Maybe you should get him something.” “Like what?” “Halloween's coming up.” “What … Continue reading Stalk Options

Alpha Mail

The moment I turn down your streetThere’s no one that I wish to meetSo step aside or feel my wrath‘Cause I’m a walking psychopath.I don’t care how you feel todayIf so-and-so has moved awayOr that you think the neighbour’s gayBecause he took up macramé.I’ll knock your pots then slam the gateAnd feed that dog of … Continue reading Alpha Mail

Comet me, Bro!

“Trump’s building a Death Star,” Laverne announced whilst reloading. “Good for him.”“For building a Death Star?”“For keeping busy during lockdown.”“Is it a family affair?”“He’ll fly it and Melania’s going to serve the drinks.“I imagine there'll be a launch…”“By invitation only in the Space Force Lounge at Mar-A-Lago Int’l Airport.”“Tickets won’t be cheap.”“You could just buy … Continue reading Comet me, Bro!

Just Desserts

“My dry cleaner’s been wearing my clothes when she goes on dates,” Laverne announced.“How do you know?”“Last night she posted a picture of herself in a dress identical to one I dropped off two days ago.”“How’d she look in it?” I asked tentatively.“Fabulous.”“Bitch.”“Exactly.”“Want me to cut her?”“We’ll swing by on the way home. On Saturdays, … Continue reading Just Desserts