The buzz of a mosquito sends The coolest head around the bend And those who ask: Why wish it dead? Have never heard one while in bed
SWAT Team
Tag: satire
Stalk Options
“My stalker’s released more nude photos of me.” “How’s your hair in them?” “Fabulous. I'd just had it done.” “Let's have a look.” Laverne slid her phone across the table. “You owe him one,” I agreed, swiping through a considerable collection of images. “Maybe you should get him something.” “Like what?” “Halloween's coming up.” “What … Continue reading Stalk Options
Smooth Operators
When Alexander Graham Bell Phoned Mr Watson he knew well The two of them would make a killing By next inventing monthly billing
Pen Knife
"The pen is mightier than the sword" A proposition best ignored For, rare is it men are agreed Still rarer, pirates who can read
Hide and Seek
My sweet, when we say love is blind It's simply Nature being kind For, were our flaws known in advance You wouldn't get a second glance
Tumbler Grumbler
The pessimist with half a glass Sees no point being gleeful While optimists will always ask If theirs comes with a refill
Beeline
The honey bee performs a dance Which indicates the vector Its friends should fly to find those plants Providing the best nectar. With six legs that’s no easy feat And so, to overcome it To keep the message short and sweet The less adroit just hum it.
Alpha Mail
The moment I turn down your streetThere’s no one that I wish to meetSo step aside or feel my wrath‘Cause I’m a walking psychopath.I don’t care how you feel todayIf so-and-so has moved awayOr that you think the neighbour’s gayBecause he took up macramé.I’ll knock your pots then slam the gateAnd feed that dog of … Continue reading Alpha Mail
Comet me, Bro!
“Trump’s building a Death Star,” Laverne announced whilst reloading. “Good for him.”“For building a Death Star?”“For keeping busy during lockdown.”“Is it a family affair?”“He’ll fly it and Melania’s going to serve the drinks.“I imagine there'll be a launch…”“By invitation only in the Space Force Lounge at Mar-A-Lago Int’l Airport.”“Tickets won’t be cheap.”“You could just buy … Continue reading Comet me, Bro!
Just Desserts
“My dry cleaner’s been wearing my clothes when she goes on dates,” Laverne announced.“How do you know?”“Last night she posted a picture of herself in a dress identical to one I dropped off two days ago.”“How’d she look in it?” I asked tentatively.“Fabulous.”“Bitch.”“Exactly.”“Want me to cut her?”“We’ll swing by on the way home. On Saturdays, … Continue reading Just Desserts
