Watch Your Tongue

When canny cannibals suggest You call round as a dinner guest You're right to feel suspicious They're hoping you're delicious And if the book next to the pan Is How To Serve Your Fellow Man It's time to quit the venue Because you're on the menu

Seasoned Greetings

When greeting guests in Tokyo The custom is to bow down low While in Tibet both old and young Say hi by sticking out their tongue In France it’s chic to peck the cheek And friends will clap in Mozambique Though Greenlanders will sniff your face Before they help you with your case. Most Eskimos … Continue reading Seasoned Greetings

Interview: The Chamber Magazine

https://thechambermagazine.com/2021/03/19/interview-with-author-poet-john-ormsby/ March 19th, 2021 Bio: I grew up in Toronto where upon graduating university I landed a job as a copy editor for a legal publisher. The work was poorly paid and mind-numbingly forensic with no room whatsoever for any creativity; we were basically word accountants. Upping sticks, I moved to the UK where I’ve … Continue reading Interview: The Chamber Magazine

Alpha Mail

The moment I turn down your streetThere’s no one that I wish to meetSo step aside or feel my wrath‘Cause I’m a walking psychopath.I don’t care how you feel todayIf so-and-so has moved awayOr that you think the neighbour’s gayBecause he took up macramé.I’ll knock your pots then slam the gateAnd feed that dog of … Continue reading Alpha Mail

Beached Wail

The great white’s famous for its sizeSo when you see its dorsalIt shouldn't come as a surprise You may be its next morselDon’t try to swim or duck and diveFrom Carcharodon carchariasIt views each move to stay aliveAs utterly hilariousBut be aware some do swim byFor quite another reasonSo hope you never catch its eyeDuring … Continue reading Beached Wail

St Valentine’s Day Mascara

I gave my heart to you, my loveOne February nightInvoking all that's up aboveI prayed you’d hold it tight.And after we had made romance(for that’s what I still call it)You rose and gave a loving glanceThen made off with my wallet.The next day you were seen at lunchWith someone I don’t knowBut looking back, I … Continue reading St Valentine’s Day Mascara