The moment I turn down your streetThere’s no one that I wish to meetSo step aside or feel my wrath‘Cause I’m a walking psychopath.I don’t care how you feel todayIf so-and-so has moved awayOr that you think the neighbour’s gayBecause he took up macramé.I’ll knock your pots then slam the gateAnd feed that dog of … Continue reading Alpha Mail
“Trump’s building a Death Star,” Laverne announced whilst reloading. “Good for him.”“For building a Death Star?”“For keeping busy during lockdown.”“Is it a family affair?”“He’ll fly it and Melania’s going to serve the drinks.“I imagine there'll be a launch…”“By invitation only in the Space Force Lounge at Mar-A-Lago Int’l Airport.”“Tickets won’t be cheap.”“You could just buy … Continue reading Comet me, Bro!
The great white’s famous for its sizeSo when you see its dorsalIt shouldn't come as a surprise You may be its next morselDon’t try to swim or duck and diveFrom Carcharodon carchariasIt views each move to stay aliveAs utterly hilariousBut be aware some do swim byFor quite another reasonSo hope you never catch its eyeDuring … Continue reading Beached Wail
My love is like a red red rose… One Scottish bard chose to expose. My ex was like a Yucca plant And on the yeuch I’m adamant.
I gave my heart to you, my loveOne February nightInvoking all that's up aboveI prayed you’d hold it tight.And after we had made romance(for that’s what I still call it)You rose and gave a loving glanceThen made off with my wallet.The next day you were seen at lunchWith someone I don’t knowBut looking back, I … Continue reading St Valentine’s Day Mascara
The female spider dines alone For reasons chilling to the bone Perhaps more dates would turn out right If she could curb her appetite
The difference between cats and dogs? Hold each in an embrace Your dog will share a loving nod A cat will scratch your face
My love swears I snore like a bear This is a husband’s fate A wife's is to give thankful prayer That men don’t hibernate
The day I want to bake some bread You’ll be the first to know Were you confused that time I said I need to make more dough? And should I wish to buy a goat Around the holidays Feel free to name it but take note I'd like it honey-glazed. A scented candle lets me … Continue reading Loco Motives
I wouldn’t write whilst drunk Because those thoughts we’ve often thunk Mixed with suspicions we’ve distilled Much like one's drink, ought not be spilled