“I’ve gone into hiding.” “We’re in Pizza Hut.” “That’s what you think,” Laverne lowered her voice. “Look around… what do you see?” “Happy fat people.” “All of them?” “All the ones eating pizza,” I was able to confirm. “What about him on his own over at the salad bar? What’s his story?” “That’s a woman.” … Continue reading Local Weirdough
When canny cannibals suggest You call round as a dinner guest You're right to feel suspicious They're hoping you're delicious And if the book next to the pan Is How To Serve Your Fellow Man It's time to quit the venue Because you're on the menu
When greeting guests in Tokyo The custom is to bow down low While in Tibet both old and young Say hi by sticking out their tongue In France it’s chic to peck the cheek And friends will clap in Mozambique Though Greenlanders will sniff your face Before they help you with your case. Most Eskimos … Continue reading Seasoned Greetings
“Trump’s building a Death Star,” Laverne announced whilst reloading. “Good for him.”“For building a Death Star?”“For keeping busy during lockdown.”“Is it a family affair?”“He’ll fly it and Melania’s going to serve the drinks.“I imagine there'll be a launch…”“By invitation only in the Space Force Lounge at Mar-A-Lago Int’l Airport.”“Tickets won’t be cheap.”“You could just buy … Continue reading Comet me, Bro!
My love is like a red red rose… One Scottish bard chose to expose. My ex was like a Yucca plant And on the yeuch I’m adamant.
I gave my heart to you, my loveOne February nightInvoking all that's up aboveI prayed you’d hold it tight.And after we had made romance(for that’s what I still call it)You rose and gave a loving glanceThen made off with my wallet.The next day you were seen at lunchWith someone I don’t knowBut looking back, I … Continue reading St Valentine’s Day Mascara
I wouldn’t write whilst drunk Because those thoughts we’ve often thunk Mixed with suspicions we’ve distilled Much like one's drink, ought not be spilled
If you’re flat broke it’s said you’ve got A fair amount of diddly-squat And maybe more because this means You also own a hill of beans Which may forestall the need to beg When added to your great goose egg Combined with zero, zip and zilch With all of this why would one filch? Because … Continue reading Much Ado
“My dry cleaner’s been wearing my clothes when she goes out on dates,” Laverne announced.“How do you know?”“Last night she posted a picture of herself in a dress identical to one I dropped off two days ago.”“How’d she look in it?” I asked tentatively.“Fabulous.”“Bitch.”“Exactly.”“Want me to cut her?”“We’ll swing by on the way home. On … Continue reading Just Desserts
Sue sits at her laptop Pinging emails to herself Andy’s new ZOOM backdrop Is a virtual bookshelf Pete’s touched base with Linked-In To float this week’s ideation Debbie’s power-thinking More proactive penetration. Management consultants Hoped that Covid would pay out Not to be insultant But such optics are in doubt. Companies aren’t calling They're too … Continue reading Counsel Culture