The rule for fractions when you're young? It's two-thirds' brains And one-third tongue
The pessimist with half a glass Sees no point being gleeful While optimists will always ask If theirs comes with a refill
The honey bee performs a dance Which indicates the vector Its friends should fly to find those plants Providing the best nectar. With six legs that’s no easy feat And so, to overcome it To keep the message short and sweet The clumsy ones just hum it.
“I’ve gone into hiding.” “We’re in Pizza Hut.” “That’s what they want you to think,” Laverne lowered her voice. “Look around… what do you see?” “Happy fat people.” “All of them?” “All the ones eating pizza,” I was able to confirm. “What about him on his own over at the salad bar? What’s his story?” … Continue reading Local Weirdough
When canny cannibals suggest You call round as a dinner guest You're right to feel suspicious They're hoping you're delicious And if the book next to the pan Is How To Serve Your Fellow Man It's time to quit the venue 'Cause guess who's on the menu?
When greeting guests in Tokyo The custom is to bow down low While in Tibet both old and young Say hi by sticking out their tongue In France it’s chic to peck the cheek And friends will clap in Mozambique Though Greenlanders will sniff your face Before they help you with your case. Most Eskimos … Continue reading Seasoned Greetings
“Trump’s building a Death Star,” Laverne announced whilst reloading. “Good for him.”“For building a Death Star?”“For keeping busy during lockdown.”“Is it a family affair?”“He’ll fly it and Melania’s going to serve the drinks.“I imagine there'll be a launch…”“By invitation only in the Space Force Lounge at Mar-A-Lago Int’l Airport.”“Tickets won’t be cheap.”“You could just buy … Continue reading Comet me, Bro!
My love is like a red red rose… One Scottish bard chose to expose. My ex was like a Yucca plant And on the yeuch I’m adamant.
I gave my heart to you, my loveOne February nightInvoking all that's up aboveI prayed you’d hold it tight.And after we had made romance(for that’s what I still call it)You rose and gave a loving glanceThen made off with my wallet.The next day you were seen at lunchWith someone I don’t knowBut looking back, I … Continue reading St Valentine’s Day Mascara
I wouldn’t write whilst drunk Because those thoughts we’ve often thunk Mixed with suspicions we’ve distilled Much like one's drink, ought not be spilled