Decimulled

I have a friend, Mr Dearden Statistics say he’s one in ten Who lives at Number 2-2-3 Look for the house that has a tree. His job is fixing old machines Throughout the night, by any means Days off, he reconditions cars And meets his mates in select bars. Devoted uncle, brother, son He always … Continue reading Decimulled →

Stone Pillow

On her rounds every night She’s a curious sight With her trolley and crushed velvet hat As she shuffles in shoes Lined with yesterday’s news Through the town like a wayfaring cat Where are you from, Crazy Annie? What have you done, Crazy Annie? Now and then she will stop To peer into a shop … Continue reading Stone Pillow →

Stalk Options

“My stalker’s released more nude photos of me.” “How’s your hair in them?” “Fabulous. I'd just had it done.” “Let's have a look.” Laverne slid her phone across the table. “You owe him one,” I agreed, swiping through a considerable collection of images. “Maybe you should get him something.” “Like what?” “Halloween's coming up.” “What … Continue reading Stalk Options →

It Started When You Farted

It's taken a lifetime to get here but it's been worth it. I've just published my first book of poems. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them. I'm currently setting up Maple Syrup Publishing to remain autonomous, but for now you can find It Started When You Farted: Witty … Continue reading It Started When You Farted →

Over, Lord

I bade my love compose an ode To prove her heart was true Reciting To Him All Is Owed She blushed the whole way through. I bade my love prepare a feast Befitting of her lord She cooked for me the finest beast Her dowry would afford. I bade my love take out a boat … Continue reading Over, Lord →