
Said Narcissus’s missus:
No kiss is as his is…
light verse and much, much worse

Said Narcissus’s missus:
No kiss is as his is…
Take me to that fabled time
When destiny was more sublime
When noble quests were blessed by God Himself.
Where crones intoned prophetic rhymes
While wizards read the stars for signs
And deep within each hollow hid an elf.
Take me to a time before
When magic could unlock a door
And conjurers cried out Abracadabra!
Where every frog tried to convince
Young maidens he might be a prince
And sonnets were composed by candelabra.
To play a brazen game with Death
One leap beyond the dragon’s breath
Dispatching ogres twice the height of men.
And then, to lay beneath a tree
While my sweet Lady sings to me
For as she does, my soul’s restored again.
Take me to that fabled time
The course now clear
No more to roam
Astraeus, chart the stars for home!
I have a friend, Mr Dearden
Statistics say he’s one in ten
Who lives at Number 2-2-3
Look for the house that has a tree.
His job is fixing old machines
Throughout the night, by any means
Days off, he reconditions cars
And meets his mates in select bars.
Devoted uncle, brother, son
He always calls before I’ve rung
To wish me all the very best
Before our family’s even dressed.
We’ve different circles, different pasts
And yet this quaint connection lasts
For out of nowhere he’ll appear
If only once or twice a year.
As for this figure: one in ten
I’ll need to look at it again
For should I know one million men
I could not meet as dear a friend
On her rounds every night
She’s a curious sight
With her trolley and crushed velvet hat.
As she shuffles in shoes
Lined with yesterday’s news
Through the town like a wayfaring cat.
Where are you from, Crazy Annie?
What have you done, Crazy Annie?
Now and then she will stop
To peer into a shop
At a world where it never grows cold.
Where the ladies dress up
And take tea in a cup
Framed in windows of crimson and gold.
What don’t they know, Crazy Annie?
How is it so, Crazy Annie?
They shared kids, a nice home
Worked themselves to the bone
‘Til he left without saying a word.
As she started to sink
So she started to drink
After that everything becomes blurred.
Have you no friends, Crazy Annie?
Where will it end, Crazy Annie?
At the end of her walk
Near a derelict block
Out of sight, she beds down on the floor.
And should anyone ask
It’s hot soup in the flask
Which she’d share, if she only had more.
Try not to cry, Crazy Annie
As we pass by, Dearest Annie
The pigeon likes to leave its mark
No matter where we choose to park
And so, I’m pleading with the pigeon
Could you maybe move a smidgen?

Those folks who claim the Earth is flat
Can’t tell us where the edge is at
Perhaps a flat brain can’t absorb
As much as one shaped like an orb

The buzz of a mosquito can
Torment the mind of any man
And those who mock this state of dread
Have never heard one whilst in bed

The pen is mightier than the sword…
A proposition best ignored
For, seldom it’s a Bic we need
To fend off pirates who can’t read
It’s claimed that goldfish draw a blank
Each time they meet inside a tank
Indecorous, though most don’t sweat it
Then agree to just forget it

The rule for fractions when you’re young?
It’s two-thirds’ brains
And one-third tongue