
Even at your throatiest
You’re not the least melodious.
The truth, my precious toady, is
You’re positively odious.
light verse and much, much worse

Even at your throatiest
You’re not the least melodious.
The truth, my precious toady, is
You’re positively odious.

In Physics, nothingness has weight
Which leads to some disquiet
Among the more dense who debate:
So, why then do we diet?

We have a hedge – when I say we
I’m merely being neighbourly
Which separates us from next door
We’re Number Two, they’re Number Four.
The hedge is green and not too tall
And forms a living, breathing wall
Which houses hedgehogs, snails and toads
Who are no match for busy roads.
The problem is, our neighbour’s plans
Involve a wall where our hedge stands
Three times its height and twice as thick
He’s done all the arithmetic.
Just think how private it will be!
I won’t see you, you won’t see me!
To me, this sentiment offends
Because I’d thought of us as friends.
His plan to rip the whole hedge out
This ‘eyesore’ he could do without
We thought he had it all in hand
Until we learned it’s on our land.
So now he doesn’t speak to me
Which happens when folks disagree
Their house is also up for sale
A sorry ending to this tale.
As for our hedge, it’s still intact
And here’s an interesting fact:
He’ll get his wish without a wall
For soon we won’t see him at all…

When greeting guests in Tokyo
The custom is to bow down low
While in Tibet both old and young
Say hi by sticking out their tongue.
In France it’s chic to peck the cheek
And friends will clap in Mozambique
Though Greenlanders will sniff your face
Before they help you with your case.
Most Eskimos rub nose to nose
In India they touch your toes
And Zambians will squeeze the thumbs
Of visitors considered chums.
Through handshakes, winks and nods we say:
I’m pleased that you dropped by today!
And bless those friends who always know
The sign for when it’s time to go…

When canny cannibals suggest
You call round as a dinner guest
You’re right to feel suspicious
They’re hoping you’re delicious
And if the book next to the pan
Is How To Serve Your Fellow Man
It’s time to quit the venue
‘Cause guess who’s on the menu?

Bananas look like boomerangs
But if you’re tempted, call a halt
For, if you don’t quite get the hang
The cops will charge you with assault

Nudism in cubism
Falls under The Abstract
And artist folk behind each stroke
Admit it’s inexact.
The avant garde can leave some jarred
So, should you choose to pose
Don’t be surprised to find your eyes
Where most look for their nose.

At Cana, water turned to wine
Delighting all the guests
And showed the world The Great Divine
Considers all requests.
Although some question Was it prayer?
Or did a son discover
The force behind a mother’s glare
Is unlike any other?

The ostrich claims the biggest eggs
The longest neck and strongest legs.
Give thanks these birds don’t fly about
For just one turd would knock you out.

Where do storks nest during a war
As spires tumble and towns are no more?
What will deer eat when tanks advance
Over sweet meadows of young, tender plants?
What drives a cub out of the den
Crying alone for its mother again?
Gone is the gold
Dark is the dawn
Ghostly and cold
Best to fly on