No Fly Zone

Where do storks nest during a warAs spires tumble and towns are no more?What will deer eat when tanks advanceOver sweet meadows of young, tender plants?What drives a cub out of the denCrying alone for its mother again?Gone is the goldDark is the dawnGhostly and coldBest to fly on

Glamour Puss

The platypus unsettles those Who organise their socks in rows Who’d never sport a check with stripes The this-goes-better-with-that types. Is it both mammal and a bird? The mere suggestion is absurd A beaver that can lay an egg? Now try and pull the other leg… Although it doesn’t quack or cluck At first glance, … Continue reading Glamour Puss

Star Spangled Boner

A lot of people ask me the difference between Canadians and Americans. Well, first the facts: our country's larger, our population's smaller, Canadian men liked wearing clogs in the '70s and we've never considered testing the viscosity of spray cheese in space a worthwhile scientific endeavour. I noticed while working abroad that colleagues soon began … Continue reading Star Spangled Boner

Egg Head

While teaching a class of 12 year olds, one student asked about the origins of life. [For the record, she was supposed to be conjugating the present tense of avoir] "Can you narrow it down a bit for me?" "Well, something had to start something so what started everything?" Lucy wondered. "It's a kind of … Continue reading Egg Head

Dead Giveaway

"I'm writing my will," I announced. "Oh my God!" Alison covered her mouth. "Are you dying? Can I get you something? A glass of water?" "No, I'm not dying, but if I were I hope to God there'd be more on offer than tap water." "Save it for your nurse," Alison fired back. "You scared … Continue reading Dead Giveaway