Secret Santa

The day before The Night BeforeThe office turned into a storeWith gifts galore from Santa’s stockAt lunchtime, right on one o’clock A furtive glance across the roomAs someone tried to wrap perfumeA figure hunched behind a fern(the new girl had a lot to learn) A friend will cough to help a mateDisguise the sound of … Continue reading Secret Santa

Just Desserts

“My dry cleaner’s been wearing my clothes when she goes on dates,” Laverne announced.“How do you know?”“Last night she posted a picture of herself in a dress identical to one I dropped off two days ago.”“How’d she look in it?” I asked tentatively.“Fabulous.”“Bitch.”“Exactly.”“Want me to cut her?”“We’ll swing by on the way home. On Saturdays, … Continue reading Just Desserts

Alcohol On You Later

My granny's got two teapots(this tends to make her wee lots)Her good one goes out on displayThe other she keeps tucked awayWhen visitors decide to callThe posh pot serves them, one and allDispensing cups of Earl of GreyOn her brushed-silver serving tray A person shouldn’t trivialiseA ritual so civilised When Elsie Burns, who lives next … Continue reading Alcohol On You Later

Heir Heads

The last of the dishes put away and with both dogs farting up a storm after polishing off the unwanted sprouts, everyone gathered in front of the TV for Her Majesty's Christmas message to the nation. At 93, The Queen appeared staid and resolute, a safe pair of hands to see us through the next … Continue reading Heir Heads

Hello World

This is my first entry so maybe we should start with an introduction of sorts. [removes Werther's Original and clears throat] I'm Mr Ormsby and thank you very much for dropping by. I write about the people and events who enter my personal space on a regular basis so that you, the reader, can decide … Continue reading Hello World