Nut Job

The rule for pomegranates reads:

Discard the pith and eats the seeds

A feat that calls for more bravado

With our friend, the avocado

Spell Check

Don’t walk too near the woods, go ’round

Especially at night

And if you must, don’t make a sound

Keep low and out of sight

Don’t whistle, sing or kick at stones

Don’t stop to climb a tree

For, if you do she’ll boil your bones

And have you for her tea

Because The Witch of Oldham Woods

Takes little ones who stray

Extinguishing the childhoods

Of those who lose their way

Who’ll never hear a mother’s words

Before their empty grave

Whose names are rarely ever heard

Whose souls no man can save

Don’t walk too near the woods, turn ‘round

For, all I say is true

And pray you’re found on hallowed ground

When she comes after you

Fall Guy

Speckled gourds and pumpkin pie

Picking chestnuts where they lie

Parsnips breaking through the soil

Beetroot ready for the boil

Plump tomatoes on the vine

Pressing apples, homemade wine

Mason jars stacked row on row

Lavender tied with a bow

Farmers whistling an old tune

Underneath the Harvest Moon

Schnitz Faced

Is beer served at Oktoberfest

So different from all the rest?

For, I would like to know what goes in

To make dudes wear lederhosen

Owed To Joy

You see a marble

I see the moon

You hear a garble

I hear a tune

You hold me closer

Without a sound

I’m life’s composer

Writing it down

A Reptile Dysfunction

Explorers who first reached the Nile

Soon came upon a crocodile

Whose improprieties lay steeped in lore.

The wily reptile would beguile

An out-of-towner with a smile

Belying a betrayal at its core.

Dear friend, I wish to welcome you!

How was the road from Timbuktu?

Come near that I may hear what news you bear…

In truth, the beast had had its fill

Of horns and hooves and ibis bills

And thus, resolved to seek more tender fare.

The wayfarer, now curious

Despite all signs injurious

Would take the bait, not wishing to be rude

Recounting tales of spitting snakes

Of feuding sheikhs and salted lakes

And bartering with Bedouins for food.

Then we must feast! the creature cried

If you will let me be your guide

We’ll cross to where the spoils are most exotic.

It’s just offshore, a pleasant ride

Do climb aboard and sit astride!

And voyage with me into the aquatic.

To eat one friend is impolite

To eat two speaks of appetite

To eat them all may lead to the odd question.

But be it large or small amounts

To some it’s what’s inside that counts

A thought our croc is currently digesting.

Game of Throwns

To throw the javelin demands

Practice to be precise.

To catch one, on the other hand

Is something few try twice.

Bad Air Day

“It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity”

A mantra of utter stupidity

For, muggy or not

Let’s agree that it’s hot

Before tackling the lacking aridity

Ode to a Toad

Even at your throatiest

You’re not the least melodious.

The truth, my precious toady, is

You’re positively odious.

Mass Hysteria

In Physics, nothingness has weight

Which leads to some disquiet

Among the more dense who debate:

So, why then do we diet?