My love is like a red red rose…
One Scottish bard chose to expose.
My ex was like a Yucca plant
And on the yeuch I’m adamant.
light verse and much, much worse
My love is like a red red rose…
One Scottish bard chose to expose.
My ex was like a Yucca plant
And on the yeuch I’m adamant.

Beware the Ides! foretells the fall
Of he who rose to conquer Gaul
And lands still further from his home
This warrior, this son of Rome.
On his return to claim his right
A haruspex with second sight
Met Caesar by the Senate arch
To warn him of the Ides of March.
They’d killed an ox and found no spleen
An omen that could only mean
The Consul should fear for his life
As did, Calpurnia, his wife.
But Caesar didn’t fear the gods
For he had overcome the odds
To overshadow mortal men
And take his seat in Rome again.
So came the day, but nothing passed
Until the Senators amassed
Fulfilling what was prophesied
Thus, on the fifteenth, Caesar died.
Of every haruspex, it’s said
They earn their living from the dead
And though they claim the role of seer
It’s often what we overhear

But somewhere, somehow Judas turned
And walked away from all he’d learned
So, when the two men dipped their bread
They both knew one would soon be dead.
We’re not sure how it came to this
Why he betrayed him with a kiss
To bring about the earthly end
Of someone he had called a friend.
Arrested, tortured, hung to die
While soldiers laughed and women cried
His friend collected his reward
And hoped the cause had been restored.
But this betrayal had a price
Which cost poor Judas paradise
He lost his friends then lost all hope
And wound up swinging from a rope.
Where is he now? God only knows
Good people pray for his repose
In hope our own friends keep us close
At those times when we need them most

When greeting guests in Tokyo
The custom is to bow down low
While in Tibet both old and young
Say hi by sticking out their tongue.
In France it’s chic to peck the cheek
And friends will clap in Mozambique
Though Greenlanders will sniff your face
Before they help you with your case.
Most Eskimos rub nose to nose
In India they touch your toes
And Zambians will squeeze the thumbs
Of visitors considered chums.
Through handshakes, winks and nods we say:
I’m pleased that you dropped by today!
And bless those friends who always know
The sign for when it’s time to go…

Nudism in cubism
Falls under The Abstract
And artist folk behind each stroke
Admit it’s inexact.
The avant garde can leave some jarred
So, should you choose to pose
Don’t be surprised to find your eyes
Where most look for their nose.

Said Narcissus’s missus:
No kiss is as his is…
Take me to that fabled time
When destiny was more sublime
When noble quests were blessed by God Himself.
Where crones intoned prophetic rhymes
While wizards read the stars for signs
And deep within each hollow hid an elf.
Take me to a time before
When magic could unlock a door
And conjurers cried out Abracadabra!
Where every frog tried to convince
Young maidens he might be a prince
And sonnets were composed by candelabra.
To play a brazen game with Death
One leap beyond the dragon’s breath
Dispatching ogres twice the height of men.
And then, to lay beneath a tree
While my sweet Lady sings to me
For as she does, my soul’s restored again.
Take me to that fabled time
The course now clear
No more to roam
Astraeus, chart the stars for home!

Those folks who claim the Earth is flat
Can’t tell us where the edge is at
Perhaps a flat brain can’t absorb
As much as one shaped like an orb

When Alexander Graham Bell
Phoned Mr Watson he knew well
The pair of friends would make a killing
By next inventing monthly billing

The pen is mightier than the sword…
A proposition best ignored
For, seldom it’s a Bic we need
To fend off pirates who can’t read