Tag: relationship

Heart Failure

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My valentine suggested wine

I bought the best champagne

Then after making love we dined

On Chocolate Frangipane.

Why don’t we do this every night?

She cooed after our frolics

So, now we do and that is why

We’re toothless alcoholics.

Decimulled

AOL You've Got Mail Voice Man Is an Uber Driver

I have a friend, Mr Dearden

Statistics say he’s one in ten

Who lives at Number 2-2-3

Look for the house that has a tree.

His job is fixing old machines

Throughout the night, by any means

Days off, he reconditions cars

And meets his mates in select bars.

Devoted uncle, brother, son

He always calls before I’ve rung

To wish me all the very best

Before my family’s even dressed.

We’ve different circles, different pasts

And yet this quaint connection lasts

For out of nowhere he’ll appear

If only once or twice a year.

As for this figure: one in ten

I’ll need to look at it again

For should I know one million men

I could not meet as dear a friend

St Valentine’s Day Mascara

Monkey Waiting for a Kiss

I gave my heart to you, my love
One February night
Invoking all that’s up above
I prayed you’d hold it tight.
And after we had made romance
(for that’s what I still call it)
You rose and gave a loving glance
Then made off with my wallet.
The next day you were seen at lunch
With someone I don’t know
But looking back, I have a hunch
It was with your new beau.
I hope the roasted Cornish hen
And champagne went down well
Before they came right up again
And cleared the whole hotel.
According to my Visa bill
You both then saw a play
A great night out is greater still
When you don’t have to pay.
Despite the slight cost overrun
At least I’m not alone
For in your haste to kiss and run
You left behind your phone.
And so, my love, for us it ends
As does your victory lap
For you’ve just texted all your friends
To say you’ve got the clap.

Over, Lord

I bade my love compose an ode

To prove her heart was true

Reciting To Him All Is Owed

She blushed the whole way through

I bade my love prepare a feast

Befitting of her lord

She cooked for me the finest beast

Her dowry would afford

I bade my love take out a boat

And clear the moat of trolls

She caught each one and cut its throat

Then stuck their heads on poles

I bade my love tend to my aches

With liniments and oils

She rid my skin of every flake

And lanced a string of boils

Then comes a time when passions end

When leaves droop with the frost

I bade my love invite her friend

That’s when she said get lost.