Heart Failure

My valentine suggested wine

I bought the best champagne

Then after making love we dined

On Chocolate Frangipane.

Why don’t we do this every night?

She cooed after our frolics

So, now we do and that is why

We’re toothless alcoholics.

Decimulled

AOL You've Got Mail Voice Man Is an Uber Driver

I have a friend, Mr Dearden

Statistics say he’s one in ten

Who lives at Number 2-2-3

Look for the house that has a tree.

His job is fixing old machines

Throughout the night, by any means

Days off, he reconditions cars

And meets his mates in select bars.

Devoted uncle, brother, son

He always calls before I’ve rung

To wish me all the very best

Before our family’s even dressed.

We’ve different circles, different pasts

And yet this quaint connection lasts

For out of nowhere he’ll appear

If only once or twice a year.

As for this figure: one in ten

I’ll need to look at it again

For should I know one million men

I could not meet as dear a friend

St Valentine’s Day Mascara

I gave my heart to you, my love
One February night
Invoking all the saints above
I prayed you’d hold it tight.
And after we had made romance
For, that’s what I still call it,
You gave me such a loving glance
Then made off with my wallet.
The next day you were seen at lunch
With someone we both know.
Now, looking back, I have a hunch
My best friend’s your new beau.
According to my Visa bill
You both then saw a play
A great night out is greater still
If one need never pay.
Yet, faced with such cost overruns
And two hearts hewn from stone,
To ensure I was not outdone
I hacked into your phone.
And so, my love, for us it ends
As does your victory lap
For, you’ve just texted all your friends
To say you’ve got the clap.