Aisle Stand By You

“I feel like a Stepford Wife.” “That explains the outfit then.” “No, I’m serious. I no longer feel comfortable buying just anything, only what’s needed,” Laverne made her way down the cookie aisle. “We’re being reprogrammed to become more altruistic which I guess isn’t a bad thing.” “Toilet paper’s that way,” I pointed behind her. … Continue reading Aisle Stand By You

Thank Queue

“I’m watching you,” the voice came down the phone.“Where are you?” I asked, pulling into the car park.“Drive straight on until you see a yellow Smart Car. I’m just past it on the right.”“Did you say yellow Smart Car?”“I know, don’t even...”“Who in their right mind drives around in a yellow Smart Car?”“Banana Man.”“Who’s Banana … Continue reading Thank Queue

Mind The Gap

Ever go upstairs and not remember why you did?Or take the groceries out the car but then forget the kid?Ever open up the fridge and find the teapot in it?Forget to play the lottery then curse when others win it?Lose your keys? Kill the grass? Return home to check the gas?Fail to find your car … Continue reading Mind The Gap

Suture Self

Last month I received a letter from my doctor reminding me it was time for my annual health check. The fact it was addressed Dear Sir/Madam did ring a few alarm bells, given he's taken at least three selfies with my prostate, but with no offence taken I followed doctor's orders and booked an appointment … Continue reading Suture Self

Oliver (with a twist)

To the Finder Should you happen upon these pages, Dear Reader, you will acquaint yourself with the final remembrances of a life – my life – which is no longer of any consequence to those who mattered most to me. For the record, I was christened Anne, branding me with the same scarlet stain borne … Continue reading Oliver (with a twist)