Ante Establishment

Randomly flicking through the TV channels I happened upon a show called Child Genius, a programme whose aim is to discover which children in Britain have never been allowed to climb a tree, drink Fanta and make friends their own age. Contestants range in age from 8 - 12 in Earth years and from what … Continue reading Ante Establishment

It Started When You Farted

It's taken a lifetime to get here but it's been worth it. I've just published my first book of poems. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them. I'm currently setting up Maple Syrup Publishing to remain autonomous, but for now you can find It Started When You Farted: Witty … Continue reading It Started When You Farted

Lockdown Knockdown

"Why are you in school?" "What do you mean? "I mean, why are you in school? Shouldn't you be distance learning like everyone else? I'm in school because my parents are key workers." "Then I guess mine must be as well." "My father's a Member of Parliament and my mother's a doctor. What do yours … Continue reading Lockdown Knockdown

Egg Head

While teaching a class of 12 year olds, one student asked about the origins of life. [For the record, she was supposed to be conjugating the present tense of avoir] "Can you narrow it down a bit for me?" "Well, something had to start something so what started everything?" Lucy wondered. "It's a kind of … Continue reading Egg Head

Suture Self

Last month I received a letter from my doctor reminding me it was time for my annual health check. The fact it was addressed Dear Sir/Madam did ring a few alarm bells, given he's taken at least three selfies with my prostate, but with no offence taken I followed doctor's orders and booked an appointment … Continue reading Suture Self

Helluva Twist

To the Finder Should you happen upon these pages, Dear Reader, you will acquaint yourself with the final remembrances of a life – my life – which is no longer of any consequence to those who mattered most to me. For the record, I was christened Anne, branding me with the same scarlet stain borne … Continue reading Helluva Twist

I Noah Guy…

In the spirit of the season, I drove an elderly neighbour to mass this morning after she knocked on my door claiming to need a lift due to the icy weather. The Church of St Mary Magdalene (didn't get that memo) is a local Catholic landmark conspicuously situated between the Women's Health Centre and Darth … Continue reading I Noah Guy…