The word for hippopotamus Ain't half big as its bottom is
Said Narcissus' missus: No kiss is as his is...
Take me to that fabled time When destiny was more sublime When noble quests were blessed by God Himself Where crones intoned prophetic rhymes And wizards read the stars for signs While deep within each hollow hid an elf. Take me to a time before When magic could unlock a door And conjurers cried out … Continue reading Knight Shift
My thoughts on politics, if any? To spare three lines would be too many
The critics ask from time to time Do all your poems have to rhyme? If not the case, my esteemed friends How would I know when each one ends?
A lot of people ask me the difference between Canadians and Americans. Well, first the facts: our country's larger, our population's smaller, Canadian men liked wearing clogs in the '70s and we've never considered testing the viscosity of spray cheese in space a worthwhile scientific endeavour. I noticed while working abroad that colleagues soon began … Continue reading Star Spangled Boner
Randomly flicking through the TV channels I happened upon a show called ‘Child Genius’, a programme whose aim is to discover which children in Britain have never been allowed to climb a tree, drink Fanta and make friends their own age. Contestants range in age from 8 - 12 in Earth years and from what … Continue reading Ante Establishment
“I’m being sued by the Catholic Church again,” Laverne announced, while reorganising her purse.“I have no words for that.”“How unlike you,” she mused.“Hold on, I thought you were working on a piece about the East African Lion,” I suddenly remembered.“Turns out all they do is sleep. My son can do that.”“Have you ever been to … Continue reading Model Behaviour
“I feel like a Stepford Wife.” “That explains the outfit then.” “No, I’m serious. I no longer feel comfortable buying just anything, only what’s needed,” Laverne complained, as she headed down the cookie aisle. “We’re being reprogrammed to become more altruistic which I guess isn’t a bad thing.” “Toilet paper’s that way,” I pointed behind … Continue reading Aisle Stand By You
I have a friend, Mr Dearden Statistics say he’s one in ten Who lives at Number 2-2-3 Look for the house that has a tree. His job is fixing old machines Throughout the night, by any means Days off, he reconditions cars And meets his mates in select bars. Devoted uncle, brother, son He always … Continue reading Decimulled