Same Difference

In this age of doublespeak, I've come up with alternative definitions for the following: (this will be added to on a regular basis) burger: what tigers say when they're cold understandable: what a bull whisperer is paid to do dresser: the valet's job earring: tinnitus tumour: ordering another round for you and a mate former: … Continue reading Same Difference

Don’t Stand So Close To Me

The new teacher entered the classroom and took her seat, greeting no one. Perpetua Tightwaters was having a bad day but her usual, composed self made it impossible for the students to tell because she held only one expression in her armoury: disapproval. A fierce-looking woman with grey-blue eyes which devoured their prey whole, she … Continue reading Don’t Stand So Close To Me

A Novel Approach

Flat screen, smart phoneFilming neighbours with your drone3-D, 5GVirtual realityInstagram and AmazonHave you left your charger on?Youtube, Snapchat, SpotifyYour latest Tweet’s had no replyBinge-watching a favourite showOn Netflix or on HBOWhile texting strangers live on KikAnd maybe sending them a pic... If you could only look awayYou might realiseIt’s World Book Day

Ante Establishment

Randomly flicking through the TV channels I happened upon a show called ‘Child Genius’, a programme whose aim is to discover which children in Britain have never been allowed to climb a tree, drink Fanta and make friends their own age. Contestants range in age from 8 - 12 in Earth years and from what … Continue reading Ante Establishment

Egg Head

Teaching a class of 12 year-olds today, one student asked me how life first began. [she was supposed to be conjugating the present tense of avoir] "Can you narrow it down a bit for me?" I asked. "Well, something had to start something so what started everything?" Lucy replied. "It's a kind of Chicken & … Continue reading Egg Head

School Daze

First day back at school after the Christmas break. Greeted colleagues in the staff room where everyone was sharing stories about their holidays and plans to make this term the best ever. "I thought about this place a lot when I was off and decided that teaching really is the best career in the world," … Continue reading School Daze

I Noah Guy Who Can Help

In the spirit of the season, I drove an elderly neighbour to mass this morning after she knocked on my door claiming to need a lift due to the icy weather. The Church of St Mary Magdalene (didn't get that memo) is a local Catholic landmark conspicuously situated between the Women's Health Centre and Darth … Continue reading I Noah Guy Who Can Help