Same Difference

In this age of doublespeak, I've come up with alternative definitions for the following: burger: what tigers say when they're cold understandable: what a bull whisperer is paid to do dresser: a personal valet's job earring: tinnitus tumour: ordering another round for you and a mate former: ordering a round of doubles for you and … Continue reading Same Difference

Don’t Stand So Close To Me

The new teacher entered the classroom and took her seat, greeting no one. Perpetua Tightwaters was having a bad day but her deportment made it impossible for the students to tell because she held only one expression in her armoury: disapproval. A fierce-looking woman with grey-blue eyes which devoured their prey whole, she could scan … Continue reading Don’t Stand So Close To Me

In Emergency: Break Class

We sent the students home todayAnd then wrote off the yearAgreeing we would all downplayThe panic and the fear.The younger ones all whooped and cheeredAs soon as they were toldThen out the door they disappearedTo watch events unfold.The seniors nervously dispersedFirst, shell-shocked, then resignedThis endgame they had not rehearsedWould leave some friends behind.Worse still, I … Continue reading In Emergency: Break Class

Egg Head

While teaching a class of 12 year olds, one student asked about the me origins of life. [For the record, she was supposed to be conjugating the present tense of avoir] "Can you narrow it down a bit for me?" I asked. "Well, something had to start something so what started everything?" Lucy replied. "It's … Continue reading Egg Head

I Noah Guy…

In the spirit of the season, I drove an elderly neighbour to mass this morning after she knocked on my door claiming to need a lift due to the icy weather. The Church of St Mary Magdalene (didn't get that memo) is a local Catholic landmark conspicuously situated between the Women's Health Centre and Darth … Continue reading I Noah Guy…

Hello World

I'm Mr Ormsby and thank you very much for dropping by. Each of us has our own guilty pleasures: Chocolate Blackout Cake, slot machines, staying in our pajamas all day, seeing a stranger walk into a lamp post, etc. Mine is words. Whether I'm at work or walking the dog, words are constantly ricocheting around … Continue reading Hello World