My valentine suggested wine
I bought the best champagne
Then after making love we dined
On Chocolate Frangipane.
Why don’t we do this every night?
She cooed after our frolics
So, now we do and that is why
We’re toothless alcoholics.
Category: love
Time Less
February, you’re sublime
Romantic, cool and flirty
Who will admit to twenty-nine
But draws the line at thirty
Face Booked
Said Narcissus’s missus:
No kiss is as his is…
Decimulled
I have a friend, Mr Dearden
Statistics say he’s one in ten
Who lives at Number 2-2-3
Look for the house that has a tree.
His job is fixing old machines
Throughout the night, by any means
Days off, he reconditions cars
And meets his mates in select bars.
Devoted uncle, brother, son
He always calls before I’ve rung
To wish me all the very best
Before my family’s even dressed.
We’ve different circles, different pasts
And yet this quaint connection lasts
For out of nowhere he’ll appear
If only once or twice a year.
As for this figure: one in ten
I’ll need to look at it again
For should I know one million men
I could not meet as dear a friend
St Valentine’s Day Mascara
I gave my heart to you, my love
One February night
Invoking all that’s up above
I prayed you’d hold it tight.
And after we had made romance
(for that’s what I still call it)
You rose and gave a loving glance
Then made off with my wallet.
The next day you were seen at lunch
With someone I don’t know
But looking back, I have a hunch
It was with your new beau.
I hope the roasted Cornish hen
And champagne went down well
Before they came right up again
And cleared the whole hotel.
According to my Visa bill
You both then saw a play
A great night out is greater still
When you don’t have to pay.
Despite the slight cost overrun
At least I’m not alone
For in your haste to kiss and run
You left behind your phone.
And so, my love, for us it ends
As does your victory lap
For you’ve just texted all your friends
To say you’ve got the clap.
Over, Lord
I bade my love compose an ode
To prove her heart was true
Reciting To Him All Is Owed
She blushed the whole way through
I bade my love prepare a feast
Befitting of her lord
She cooked for me the finest beast
Her dowry would afford
I bade my love take out a boat
And clear the moat of trolls
She caught each one and cut its throat
Then stuck their heads on poles
I bade my love tend to my aches
With liniments and oils
She rid my skin of every flake
And lanced a string of boils
Then comes a time when passions end
When leaves droop with the frost
I bade my love invite her friend
That’s when she said get lost.
Hide and Seek
My sweet, when we say love is blind
It’s simply Nature being kind
For were our flaws known in advance
You wouldn’t get a second glance
Roll Play
My love, you’re a Tahitian girl
That dances on the sand
Who charms the breeze with every twirl
And gesture of her hand
My love, you’re absinthe through the veins
Each time my lips are kissed
A cruel elixir bringing pain
Which no man can resist
My love, to me you are a song
Whose chorus fills the air
Inviting men to sing along
Allaying their despair
My love, your powdered skin’s as soft
As petals on a rose
Its luring scent designed to waft
With each layer you expose
Alas! Another’s at your door
I thank you for your art
In truth, our love’s a game, no more
And you have played your part
Spiky Profiles
Porcupines, when making love
Must meet at the right juncture
For any variation of
Results in acupuncture
Brief Encounter
I’ve got two mutts who sniff the butts
Of dogs whom they don’t know
But what is worse and quite perverse
This passes for Hello!
Imagine if we all did this
When meeting someone new
If that’s Hello! I’d like to know
How one would say Adieu!
Mr Ormsby At Large 