Decimulled

I have a friend, Mr Dearden Statistics say he’s one in ten Who lives at Number 2-2-3 Look for the house that has a tree. His job is fixing old machines Throughout the night, by any means Days off, he reconditions cars And meets his mates in select bars. Devoted uncle, brother, son He always … Continue reading Decimulled →

The Abomination

Father Marc assumed his usual seat in the front pew of St Jude Church and unfastened his collar. Each evening after mass the old Jesuit liked to collect his thoughts for several minutes before extinguishing the candles and clearing the altar. His church had a cheery interior by day but sunset draped a grey cowl … Continue reading The Abomination →

Spot The Difference

Half of ladybugs are dudes Biologists agree But just so things aren't misconstrued: What would their pronouns be?

Don’t Stand So Close To Me

The new teacher entered the classroom and took her seat, greeting no one. Perpetua Tightwaters was having a bad day but her deportment made it impossible for the students to tell because she held only one expression in her armoury: disapproval. A fierce-looking woman with grey-blue eyes which devoured their prey whole, she could scan … Continue reading Don’t Stand So Close To Me →

Party Bigwig

After work I thought I'd venture into Manchester to check out the city's annual Mardi Gras shenanigans. Caught up in the spirit of goodwill, I ditched the 4x4 and opted instead for public transport to help save the Himalayan Poop Bat which, I've been reliably informed by my 16 year old niece, is hunted to … Continue reading Party Bigwig →

Dead Giveaway

"I'm writing my will," I announced. "Oh my God!" Alison covered her mouth. "Are you dying? Can I get you something? A glass of water?" "No, I'm not dying, but if I were I hope to God there'd be more on offer than tap water." "Save it for your nurse," Alison fired back. "You scared … Continue reading Dead Giveaway →