Stalk Options

“My stalker’s released more nude photos of me.” “How’s your hair in them?” “Fabulous. I'd just had it done.” “Let's have a look.” Laverne slid her phone across the table. “You owe him one,” I agreed, swiping through a considerable collection of images. “Maybe you should get him something.” “Like what?” “Halloween's coming up.” “What … Continue reading Stalk Options

Beached Wail

The great white’s famous for its sizeSo when you see its dorsalIt shouldn't come as a surprise You may be its next morselDon’t try to swim or duck and diveFrom Carcharodon carchariasIt views each move to stay aliveAs utterly hilariousBut be aware some do swim byFor quite another reasonSo hope you never catch its eyeDuring … Continue reading Beached Wail

A Sine of Genus

Imagine sitting by a lake And wondering what it would take To calculate its area The formula would scare ya. Or fancy while beneath a tree You’re struck by thoughts of gravity Quite tough with which to grapple Whilst snacking on an apple. Or say you're watching tortoises When what you start to notice is … Continue reading A Sine of Genus

Less Cargo

Our friend, the snail, needs never pack For all it owns is on its back It heads out on the open road Quite unencumbered by its load Snails never need to book hotels Instead they curl up in their shells Emerging when they feel the need To partake in an evening feed We mock the … Continue reading Less Cargo

Bushwhacked

We have a hedge - when I say we I’m merely being neighbourly Which separates us from next door We’re Number Two, they're Number Four. The hedge is green and not too tall And forms a living, breathing wall Which houses hedgehogs, snails and toads Who are no match for busy roads. The problem is, … Continue reading Bushwhacked