Out on a Peel

Bananas look like boomerangs And if you’re tempted, call a halt For if you don't quite get the hang You could be looking at assault

Boxing Clever

Last week, I received a surprise phone call from my doctor.“Mr Ormsby?”“Yes.”“Oh, good… so you’re not dead then. It’s Dr Shapiro here. We need to make you an appointment.”“Club fees due?”“Not 'til October.”“Daughter getting married?”“Chance would be a fine thing.”“Class action going ahead?”“It worked on macaques, didn't it?”“Okay, you got me,” I conceded defeat.“I need … Continue reading Boxing Clever →

If It Ain’t Baroque…

Nudism in cubism Falls under The Abstract And artist folk behind each stroke Admit it’s inexact. The avant garde can leave some jarred So, should you choose to pose Don’t be surprised to find your eyes Where most look for their toes.

Mother of Invention

At Cana, water turned to wine Delighting all the guests And showed the world The Great Divine Considers all requests. Although some question Was it prayer? Or did a son discover The force behind a mother's glare Is unlike any other?

Time Less

February, you're sublime Romantic, cool and flirty Who will admit to twenty-nine But draws the line at thirty

Best Before Date

January’s no one’s friend A month that lingers without end No end to winter’s deepest chill Which steals the breath and makes us ill No end to counting every dime From letting go at Christmastime To resolutions boldly made Then just as quietly betrayed No reason to buy a bouquet No fireworks No Mother’s Day … Continue reading Best Before Date →

It Started When You Farted

It's taken a lifetime to get here but it's been worth it. I've just published my first book of poems. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them. I'm currently setting up Maple Syrup Publishing to remain autonomous, but for now you can find It Started When You Farted: Witty … Continue reading It Started When You Farted →