When dining out we’re well aware Our manners are on view We open doors like Fred Astaire Insisting... After you! Which silverware to use and when And how to hold a glass While tackling pommes parisienne Delineate one’s class. But not so in the cinema The difference is stark Because it’s hard to be bourgeois … Continue reading Creature Feature
Half of ladybugs are dudes Biologists agree But just so things aren't misconstrued: What would their pronouns be?
Every evening after dinner my dogs take me for a walk. On the way to the park we drop in on certain elderly neighbours who are always pleased to see Gizmo and Spark, having had dogs of their own in younger days. One neighbour in particular, Old Ed, is especially fond of Gizmo who himself … Continue reading Bad Hare Day
If it's your wish To swim with fish Give it less arms And lots more swish
It isn’t only spring When Nature has a fling 'Cause I don't know one rabbit Who isn’t always at it
I’ve got two mutts who sniff the buttsOf dogs whom they don’t knowBut what is worse and quite perverseThis passes for Hello!Imagine if we all did thisWhen meeting someone newIf that’s hello I'd like to knowHow one would say Adieu!
A bear who needs to use The Gents (one of life's everyday events) Is faced with a most pressing issue: What does one use for toilet tissue? According to the local lore Passed down by those who've gone before Most bears will grab the nearest thing To wipe away those bits that cling. I'm told … Continue reading Job Done
Teaching a class of 12 year-olds today, one student asked me how life first began. [she was supposed to be conjugating the present tense of avoir] "Can you narrow it down a bit for me?" I asked. "Well, something had to start something so what started everything?" Lucy replied. "It's a kind of Chicken & … Continue reading Egg Head
My dog has died and no one caresI mention him but this draws staresAnd frowns which tell me I’m too oldTo mourn a pet, or so I’m told.Empty corners, bare floorRoom before but now we’ve moreToys donated, bed goneNo more divots in the lawn.Coming home, a rusty gateAnnounces me and though I waitNo rocket launches … Continue reading Doggone
"I need to write a will," I announced to the room. [the New Year's resolution didn't pan out the way I'd hoped] "Oh my god," Alison covered her mouth. "Are you dying? Can I get you something? A glass of water?" "No, I'm not dying, but if I were I hope to God there'd be … Continue reading Dead Giveaway