Alpha Mail

The moment I turn down your streetThere’s no one that I wish to meetSo step aside or feel my wrath‘Cause I’m a walking psychopath.I don’t care how you feel todayIf so-and-so has moved awayOr that you think the neighbour’s gayBecause he took up macramé.I’ll knock your pots then slam the gateAnd feed that dog of … Continue reading Alpha Mail

It Started When You Farted

It's taken a lifetime to get here but it's been worth it. I've just published my first book of poems. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them. I'm currently setting up Maple Syrup Publishing to remain autonomous, but for now you can find It Started When You Farted: Witty … Continue reading It Started When You Farted

Captain’s Log

Sir Francis Drake had what it takes To sail around the world And followed in Magellan’s wake With England’s flag unfurled. Along his route he plundered loot Until the hold was packed With millions from Brazilians And the Spaniards he attacked. On his return, the English yearned To learn of far off places Of queens … Continue reading Captain’s Log